You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
