The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
