did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
