I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
