I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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