I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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