i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
