3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
