All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
