It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
