Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
