i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
