Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
