he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
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the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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