On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
