My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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