I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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