Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
