I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
