You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
pop tarts are not kleenex
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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