I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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