I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
