atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
