when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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