I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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