Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Oh god it's open bar.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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