thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
