There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
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I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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