the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
