in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
