I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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