Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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