Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
