Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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