well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
