nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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