so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
