you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
