so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
