He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
