Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
why do cheetos always look like penises
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
