so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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