Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
