this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
