I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
