she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Rumble strips road head = magical
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
