you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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