do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
