Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
