So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
