I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
