I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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