and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize