life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
