so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
