Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
