we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
