i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
whose parrot is this?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
