i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
