is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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