I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
