he thought i was a dude.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
