why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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