my vag is so smooth its legendary
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
