i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just found puke in my bra..
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize