they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
