she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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