i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize