I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize