he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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