eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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