Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
