You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
