I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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