We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
