Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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