never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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