their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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