I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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