Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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