I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
